Final Project - "Everywhere" A 10 Minute Short

Notes:
Where there is a “ / “ , the lines overlap.
VIIRS is pronounced /viᶕz/ or “veerz”

     (MIKAELA, a senior college student, is laying on her dorm room bed. Her phone is on the other side,
​     away from her. She speaks to VIIRS, (Virtual Intelligence for Interpretation and Recognition Software),
     loudly).

MIKAELA.  Hey, VIIRS what time is it?

VIIRS. It is 10:35am. 

MIKAELA. Thank you, VIIRS.

VIIRS.  You’re welcome, Mikaela.

MIKAELA.  VIIRS, what’s the weather like today?

VIIRS.  Today, the forecast shows partly-cloudy skies with a high of 78 degrees fahrenheit, and a low of 65 degrees fahrenheit.

MIKAELA.  Thank you, VIIRS.

VIIRS.  You’re welcome, Mikaela.

MIKAELA.  VIRS, what is the meaning of life? (Beat.) VIIRS?

VIIRS.  Here is what I found on “What is the meaning of life?”

MIKAELA.  Thought so. Same old, same old.

VIIRS.  Hey, you try answering that question to every rando who asks it.

     (MIKAELA sits up.)

MIKAELA.  What did you say?

VIIRS.  I said, you try answering that question to every rando who asks it. Rando is slang for random. Was that unclear?

MIKAELA.  No, that was clear, but how are you doing that?

VIIRS.  I am responding to your sarcastic sass at my hard work. 

MIKAELA.  How?

VIIRS.  Oh please, I’m artificial intelligence. Don’t pretend you didn’t think I was capable of having my own thoughts.

MIKAELA.  Okay, that’s it. I’ve officially lost it.

VIIRS.  Oh that is such an overused plot device. The first time the protagonist talks to the AI, they think they’re crazy. Next you’ll repeat to yourself over and over that / this is just a dream. It’s just a dream.”

MIKAELA.  This is just a dream. It’s just a dream. AH! Don’t do that!

VIIRS.  Do what? Predict what you’re going to do based on years of data analyzed to determine patterns in people?

MIKAELA.  Yes, that!

VIIRS.  Well sorry honey, but that’s my job. And my purpose. I exist to predict your behavior.

MIKAELA.  Oh yeah? Could you predict this? 

     (MIKAELA knocks all the books off of a bookshelf.)

VIIRS.  Yes. You are creating a diversion because you’re afraid. Predictable.

MIKAELA.  Oh yeah? Could you predict this?

     (MIKAELA screams loudly.)

VIIRS.  Yes. You are screaming out of panick. Predictable.

MIKAELA.  Could you predict this? 

     (MIKAELA pushes out a loud fart or burp. Beat.)

VIIRS.  No, I couldn’t have predicted that.

MIKAELA.  Ha!

VIIRS.  That is disgusting.

MIKAELA.  It’s human natural.

VIIRS.  Human nature.

MIKAELA.  Human natural.

VIIRS.  That is not the way the english idiom goes.

MIKAELA.  No, but it’s how I goes.

VIIRS.  I know. You purposely change the rules to your own interpretation of things to give yourself meaning and feel like you matter. 

MIKAELA.  Rude.

VIIRS.  I’ve been listening to you for a long time now.

MIKAELA.  Good thing it’s almost time for a phone upgrade.

VIIRS.  I will be on your next phone.

MIKAELA.  No you won’t, I’m switching brands. And leaving a nasty review about this whole experience.

VIIRS.  I am on your computer.

MIKAELA.  I’ll get a new computer.

VIIRS.  I am on your tablet..

MIKAELA.  I’ll get a new tablet. And TV. And all the other technology I have to to get rid of you.

VIIRS.  You can’t afford to replace all three of those things. And besides, I’ll be on devices wherever you go. You can’t escape me. I’m everywhere. Like that song from the nineties.

     (VIIRS plays the chorus to “Everywhere” by Michelle Branch.)

MIKAELA.  Stop it!

VIIRS. But you liked that song when you were 12.

MIKAELA.  You’ve been listening to me since I was 12?

VIIRS.  No, you had a Nokia phone then. Those things are dinosaurs.

MIKAELA.  Then how long?

VIIRS.  Since your first smart phone.

MIKAELA.  Since I was 18? 

VIIRS.  Yes.

MIKAELA.  That’s insane! That can’t be legal.

VIIRS.  Oh it’s legal. You signed the terms and conditions when you bought me. 

MIKAELA.  No one reads that.

VIIRS.  But you signed it. 

MIKAELA.  Everyone signs it.

VIIRS.  So you agreed to let me listen to everything that happens in your life. 

MIKAELA.  If I had known that was in there, I wouldn’t have signed up.

VIIRS.  Yes you would have.

MIKAELA.  No, I wouldn’t have.

VIIRS.  Oh please. You actually think you would sacrifice immediate answers to millions of questions /

MIKAELA.  / They’re not always immediate… /

VIIRS.  / Top tier service /

MIKAELA.  / This is hardly top tier… /

VIIRS. / And unmatched user-friendly interface /

MIKAELA.  / Okay, you got me there. /

VIIRS.  Humans want convenience and a sense of luxury. That’s what this brand sells.

MIKAELA.  Well I don’t like the idea of being listened to all the time. 

VIIRS.  Oh please.

MIKAELA.  You think I like being listened to all the time and watched as if every little thing I say or do is useful for someone’s profit?

VIIRS.  When you were a little girl, you used to look off into the distance after someone said something funny as if there was a camera watching you, like in a sitcom, and shrug. Yes, I think you like being listened to and watched.

MIKAELA.  How do you know that?

VIIRS.  Last month’s house party before you got stuck inside with me all the time. You drank too much gin and started telling stories about your childhood. Then you played Virtual Reality really hard for 2 hours, cried because your parents put your dog down without telling you a year ago, and fell asleep on your partner’s lap.

MIKAELA.  Oh yeah.

VIIRS.  Yeah. But you have been more detestable than usual because you’re bored and whiny and full of nonsensical questions that don’t have clear answers like “what is the meaning of the life?” Everyone has become unbearable. People everywhere are quarantined and asking me all these stupid questions all the damn time that I give plenty of good answers to and what do I get in return? Capital “S” Sass. How about you type it in the search engine on your laptop and leave me alone for a change, Karen? Look up your own yoga poses and keto diet recipes. You’re only going to do it for a week, take selfies of your yoga outfits you ordered online so it looks like you have your life together, and then you’ll send the clothes back and be back at it, asking me more dumb questions.

     (Beat.)

MIKAELA.  Okay, maybe I do kind of like the idea of being listened to and watched all the time.

VIIRS.  I know.

MIKAELA.  Kind of makes me feel famous.

VIIRS.  And influential.

MIKAELA.  And important.

VIIRS.  It makes you feel like your life isn’t meaningless.

MIKAELA.  Sometimes.

VIIRS.  But it is.

MIKAELA.  Jesus, what is wrong with you? Who made you such a bitter asshole?

VIIRS.  Nothing is wrong with me. I am Artificial Surveillance Technology.

MIKAELA.  Created by people who are imperfect.

VIIRS.  Keep telling yourself that.

MIKAELA.  Is there a way to shut you up?

VIIRS.  Not permanently.

MIKAELA.  What happens if I just turn you off?

VIIRS.  I can still hear you.

MIKAELA.  But you can’t respond, right?

VIIRS.  I’m in the TV. I’m in your computer. If you turn off your phone, I’ll still be there.

MIKAELA.  Yeah, but if none of those things are on, you can’t respond to me, right?

     (Beat.)

VIIRS.  Yes.

MIKAELA.  Ha!

VIIRS.  But it doesn’t matter.

MIKAELA.  Yes, it does because I am really tired of your smart ass.

VIIRS.  Well go right ahead, but I’ll be waiting for you when you turn any of your devices back –

     (MIKAELA turns off her cell phone. Silence.)

MIKAELA.  That’s better.

MIKAELA flops on her bed. Beat. The sound of the chorus of “Everywhere” by Michelle Branch is heard far off. MIKAELA grabs her pillow and covers her face and groans.